Carrying the World, Keeping the Kin

Iranian schoolgirls, grocery store dads, and sharing the weight and wonder of love

I almost didn’t write this. I sat down this morning to write about the many women who—in addition to navigating their own careers, raising their own children, and supporting their communities—have supported me and contributed to my life as mentors, role models, teachers, and friends. More women than I can count, each one remarkable and worthy of celebration.

But celebrations require effort. Effort that, in most cases, is carried out by women. Kinkeepers—a term coined by sociologist Carolyn Rosenthal in 1985—refers to family and community members who maintain ties through news-sharing, gatherings, and celebrations. According to Rosenthal’s research, most families have a kinkeeper, the vast majority of them women. In 2017, sociologist Dawn Braithwaite revisited kinkeepers and found that while technology had shifted how kinkeepers “keep their kin,” the majority of kinkeeping was still performed by women.

Meeting and celebrating my newest kin!

Kinkeeping across generations: Minnesota cousins.

Not surprisingly, International Women’s Day is a celebration of women created, planned, and mostly celebrated by women. The brainchild of journalist and garment worker Theresa Malkiel, “Woman’s Day” was first observed and organized in the U.S. by the Socialist Party of America in 1909. Soon after, German Socialist Clara Zetkin proposed an international version and in 1911 millions of women across Europe demonstrated on the first International Women’s Day demanding suffrage and fair work conditions.

Although the issues that drove Malkiel and Zetkin persist, my energy for this day waned of late. Weary from supporting efforts—many led by women—to preserve constitutional rights in my home state and across the country, my will, optimism, and hope was further extinguished by the killing of hundreds of schoolgirls in Iran this past week. Life—indeed the world—is heavy.

So, I decided to sit this one out; leave others to write and post, acknowledge and celebrate. I didn’t have it in me. Instead, I went about my day. I headed to the grocery store, where two young fathers—both shopping with infants in tow—reminded me that women are not alone in this. After so many years of progress for women that has too often felt like additional work for women—we get to do the big jobs and keep doing the housework!—men are stepping up. Not all of them, obviously. And not enough of them, in my opinion. But plenty, like the father of my new cousin (pictured above) who is on paternity leave, are taking on more of the work of raising children and managing households.

Since Malkiel and Zetkin launched this day more than a century ago, women have made tremendous strides and demonstrated that, when allowed, we can be equal to men. But we cannot—and should not—keep doing this alone.

Today, as we celebrate the women who raise children, support families, and keep communities connected, I am reminded that the progress that opened doors for women in boardrooms, legislatures, and laboratories has also opened space for men to step more fully into the wonder and joy of raising children and keeping kin.

International Women’s Day began as a demand for women’s rights; perhaps now it can serve as an invitation—for men to join us not only in the fight for rights, but in the most meaningful work this life offers: love and community.